“Lies were the first thing that popped in to my head, and I was beginning to realize that people knew. I wasn’t fully trusted anymore. And then when I became honest –always telling the truth, even if telling the truth made me look bad—that I had to learn to live with the uncomfortable feelings that accompanies not being perfect.”
Secrets and Lies —Kelly Sunderberg
One of the first things that you are told as a child is that lying is bad. You learn about George Washington and “Honest Abe.” You watch Pinocchio and go to some kind of church or organization and learn about the cautionary tales about lying.
The philosopher Immanuel Kant believes that lying is morally wrong, that we as humans have the ability to make choices and exemplify dignity. I don’t believe that. I believe that there is a scale, unique to each person. I believe that humans can still have dignity and basic values and still be a good person.
I learned to lie early. That was my mother’s gift to me. Sometimes I do it for the look on people’s faces; sometimes I do it to avoid the look on people’s faces. The key to lying is to lie sparingly. If you create the façade of trustworthiness then it is hard for people to think you would lie (about something big).
There are many things you can lie about: who you are, what you do, if you like someone, if you don’t like someone, if you missed a call, if you forgot an appointment, remembered a birthday, checked the mail, paid a bill. My lies intertwine with each other so much it’s hard to keep up, but I’m so good at lying no one can tell (that I know of). I do consider the fact that maybe I am lying to myself by thinking that, but I am so convincing to myself that it never comes up in my head.
I don’t lie to lie. Sometimes it is for self-preservation, or maybe for all the things I find in my head that aren’t true, but wouldn’t it be neat if they were?
Some of my lies are to corroborate the lies of others. I hear things about myself— things that aren’t plausible. These things are just things because I think people are bored. It is a form of amusement.
I know you have heard of good lies and bad lies. What makes a lie ‘bad’ and what makes a lie ‘good’ are questions that are often asked. I personally think there is no difference, that a lie is a lie. I also believe that people know what they can and cannot live with when it comes to lies.
Lying is like a mysterious stranger. We are never going to know everything about lying, why people do it, and if it is such a bad thing.
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